One year ago I decided to make a huge decision, not only for huge health issues but because I was done. That decision was to have my tubs cut, tied, and burned shut. I wanted no chances of ever getting prego again. I have had three pregnancies with high blood pressure, toxemia, and pre-eclampsia. I wasn't willing to ever EVER do it again.
Today I still wonder if that decision was the right one. I hold Bentlee and look at her and wonder could I of done it again? I cry that I will never feel the movement or kicks of a little one inside of me, the bad heart burn and the constant peeing, and the throwing up every single morning and throughout the day.
I wonder what it would of been like to of had an amazing husband standing by me, coaching me on, kissing me and telling me he loves me. Holding my hand telling me I can do it and me wanting to punch him in the face because of how I felt. I won't lie....I really do wish I had that with all my girls. I may have been married the first two children, but I did it alone. I had my mom and my sisters with me while the so called hubby sat in the waiting room with his family. The third girl, my mom again. Its funny how she has been the one to have cut all my children's cords.
And here I am today at the door of another huge decision which will enable me completely for carrying a child, even through invetrofertilization. Do I do it for me, myself, and I? Or do I just wait it out.......I wonder????
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