Thanksgiving

Today I'm thankful for:
My life
My three B's
My health
My Savior, Jesus Christ
My parents
My Freedom

I love.....

I read a saying the other day that read:

 

 

Live right Now

Just be yourself

I doesn't matter

if its good enough for someone else.

 

 

I sooooo believe this is ture.

The thoughts running through my head since last night are all over the place.  I layed in bed last night trying to make sense of all of them and this is what I came up with:

 

I love to love

I love to be loved

I love honesty

I love to be held

I love to be touched

I love to laugh

I love that Jesus is my Savior and Redemer

I love my children

I love those that speak honesty

I love to be wined and dined

I love the movies

I love giving affection

I love getting affection

I love the support from my parents

I love to be me

I love to take long walks

I love to be with others

I love long indepth conversations

I love to be able to speak freely

I love a winter storm

I love the cool breeze through my window at night

I love love

I love french fries with my frosty

I love the stars at night

I love the mountains

I love communitcation

I love my toes painted

I love the thought of being rich

I love life....................

One year ago....

One year ago I decided to make a huge decision, not only for huge health issues but because I was done. That decision was to have my tubs cut, tied, and burned shut.  I wanted no chances of ever getting prego again.  I have had three pregnancies with high blood pressure, toxemia, and pre-eclampsia.  I wasn't willing to ever EVER do it again.

Today I still wonder if that decision was the right one.  I hold Bentlee and look at her and wonder could I of done it again?  I cry that I will never feel the movement or kicks of a little one inside of me, the bad heart burn and the constant peeing, and the throwing up every single morning and throughout the day.

I wonder what it would of been like to of had an amazing husband standing by me, coaching me on, kissing me and telling me he loves me.  Holding my hand telling me I can do it and me wanting to punch him in the face because of how I felt.  I won't lie....I really do wish I had that with all my girls.  I may have been married the first two children, but I did it alone.  I had my mom and my sisters with me while the so called hubby sat in the waiting room with his family.  The third girl, my mom again.  Its funny how she has been the one to have cut all my children's cords.

And here I am today at the door of another huge decision which will enable me completely for carrying a child, even through invetrofertilization.  Do I do it for me, myself, and I? Or do I just wait it out.......I wonder????

So I have decided to leave facebook....I wonder how life will be not keeping up with the Jones'. There are times in my life that I have so much I want to say that FB doesn't work. Please join me in my adventure of life.